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February, 2011

  1. 30/30 WTF! #21: S’MORES WAFFLE

    February 28, 2011 by Cas

    Food Daddy Foodie Joanne wrote to tell us how much she and her family loved the original Brownie Waffle. She and her niece, I was told, were hoping to find a S’mores Waffle in their future.

    Be careful what you wish for, Joanne…

    Herewith all the tastes — and heck, all the components — of a campfire S’more, held together for the waffle iron.

    This one took a bit of experimenting, and I went back to the Iron half a dozen times until I came back to my original recipe.

    Once again harking back to “the problem with cake” on a waffle iron, there are considerations of fat and sugar content, moisture of the batter, and blah blah blah. In any event, I wanted something for you gals and guys to try that would be delicious first and foremost, easy enough to make, and the right consistency to cook and hold together. I found that if you cook these until they are just set (there’s really little else to cook but the batter binding it) and turning golden, YOU’LL be golden. So the iron setting I’ve recommended is MEDIUM. And instead of making too delicate a crumb with the addition of fat, we add the fat after it cooks, by brushing on melted butter.

    Umm… YUM, gang.

    2 Sleeves (18 whole) Graham crackers
    1 Cup Bisquick
    1 Cup +2 Tbsp. milk
    1 Egg
    1/2 tsp. Salt
    3/4 Cup brown sugar
    2 Cups mini marshmallows
    1 Cup semi-sweet (or milk) chocolate morsels

    1/2 Stick (4 Tbsp.) butter, melted

    Additional mini marshmallows, or Marshmallow Fluff, ice cream, and chocolate syrup (for garnish, if desired)

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM

    Break up the graham crackers and set them in a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, combine Bisquick, milk, egg and salt just until combined. Add to graham crackers and toss to coat. Let the mixture sit for five minutes.

    Add the brown sugar, marshmallows and chocolate, and fold them into the mixture.

    Grease the waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray, and spoon batter into center of waffle segments or wedges, leaving room for the batter to spread slightly. Close iron and cook, checking at medium cook time or about 3 minutes.

    When waffle is set and golden and easily removable (add more cook time if you need), brush melted butter over each, and remove to serving plate.

    Add garnishes of your desire, or serve plain. With a glass of cold milk or hot chocolate. Throw a few pine cones around the living room and watch “Friday the 13th” and you’ll feel like you’re camping in the middle of the woods.

    And someone’s watching you. But throw one of these at him and he’ll be so distracted you’ll be able to make a clean getaway. I freakin’ didn’t see it coming that it could be sweet Betsy Palmer. Whoda thunk it.


    February 27, 2011 by Cas

    Time to open the Food Daddy Drive-Thru once again.

    When I described this to my son, he was waiting for me to stop what I was doing and make it for him right there on the spot. Alas, I ain’t nobody’s bitch, so I said “you’ll just have to wait.”

    But then, being who I am — EVERYBODY’S bitch — I felt instantly guilty. I whipped these up as soon thereafter as I could, and they are as good as I’d made them sound and as good as he’d anticipated. He was away visiting my alma mater when I made this, so there’s a batch waiting for him when he comes home.

    Make sure to grease the waffle iron well, because the starchy potato topping it off can get fussy in the opening and removal processes. If this happens, pretend it’s supposed to, and just scrape the hangers-on down and plop them atop their more compliant potato siblings on the finished waffle. And this recipe was devised to make four waffles, figuring two per serving for a breakfast entree, but since your eggs and bacon and potato may vary in size, be open to there being more or less room on the griddle, and some leftover batter from the biscuity waffle base. You’re strong, you’re creative, you’re resilient, you survived eight years of George Dubbya — I have faith you’ll surmount this as well.

    Everyone’s favorite corporate SpokesMime, Russel VonTussel, would advise that you garnish and jazz up your individual servings just as you would if you were enjoying the original inspiration dish in his fast food restaurant: salt and pepper, ketchup, hot sauce, a pat of butter — he leaves it up to you and your tastes.

    As do I. Enjoy.

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: HIGH

    1 White potato, grated

    1 Cup Bisquick
    1/2 Cup plus 1 Tbsp. water
    1/4 tsp. Salt
    1 Tbsp. vinegar (preferably white or cider)

    4 Eggs
    12 Strips of cooked bacon
    2 Tbsp. butter

    Bring water to boil in a saucepan, and blanche the grated potato until tender. Do not overcook, as you’ll be finishing the cooking in the waffle iron. Rinse in cold water and drain; set aside.

    Mix Bisquick, water and salt to form thick batter. Add vinegar and mix again, briefly, just to incorporate.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Crack an egg into each waffle section or wedge. Place bacon, tearing into pieces or laying across dividers as you prefer, to allow three strips per waffle.

    Spread biscuit batter over bacon and egg, leaving plenty of room for spread, because face it: you’re packing a lot of stuff into this poor little waffle iron (and maybe once in a while you should get over the whole “inanimate object” prejudice and actually say THANK YOU for the sort of pressure it endures for you). Finally, top with the shredded par-cooked potato. Top each section with 1/2 Tbsp. of the butter, close the top, and cook.

    When ready, carefully open top and scrape down any potato that may have clung to the upper plate. If you feel the waffles need another minute or two, spray the top plate again and close, cooking to your desired level of doneness.

    Carefully remove to serving plates. Or for a more authentic, in-restaurant feel, eat it off a styrofoam plate. Or get in the car, pretend to order a batch of these out the driver’s side window right into your neighbor’s curbside mailbox, and then happily munch as you cruise the neighborhood. People will talk. But fuck ‘em.

    You have waffles.


    February 26, 2011 by Cas

    I just reread that. “Bananas Foster Waffle”.

    It reads like a WEEKLY WORLD NEWS headline, like some waffle was abandoned in a remote dumpster, and a family of overripe Chiquitas raised it as one of their own.

    Anyway, I had been toying with possible ways of crafting this: Do the bananas and the flavorings go INSIDE the waffle? Do they go ATOP a plain waffle as a syrupy garnish? The answer to both questions turned out to be:

    YES. Yes, indeed.

    The flavors carry through to the waffle itself and flow all over the top, making it not only delicious to eat but to look at. This is barely imaginable without a scoop of ice cream accompanying. It’s the difference between “merely awesome” and “truly awesome” and you should go for the latter. Truly.

    Liberties have been taken for purposes of taste and texture; there is also no flambe-ing, though flaming is completely up to the proclivities of the chef. Also, I’ve given a non-alcoholic option that worked out JUST fine in terms of taste, so don’t even sweat it if you care to go this route. I wanted this relatively easy, universally attainable, and overwhelmingly satisfying. And when I tried my luck and pulled the arm on the slot machine…

    Banana. Banana. Banana.


    2 Bananas
    1/2 Cup brown sugar
    1/4 Cup oatmeal (instant or old fashioned)
    1/4 Cup flour
    1/4 tsp. Salt
    1/4 tsp. Nutmeg

    1 Cup Bisquick
    1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
    1 Egg
    1/2 Cup milk
    1 tsp. Vanilla extract

    1/2 Cup plus 2 Tbsp. brown sugar
    1 Tbsp. corn starch
    1/4 tsp. Salt
    4 Tbsp. unsalted butter
    1/2 Cup rum OR 1-1/2 Tbsp. Rum Extract
    PLUS enough water to make 1/2 Cup

    Ice Cream for garnish, and whipped cream if you really wanna go to hell in a handbasket

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MED HIGH

    Cut bananas in half; place one half of one banana in mixing bowl and set aside. Cut remaining bananas in half again, then cut those pieces in half lengthwise, and set aside.

    Mash the half-banana in the mixing bowl, and add the brown sugar, flour, oats, salt and nutmeg. Mix thoroughly and set aside.

    There’s a lot of setting aside in this recipe…

    In a separate bowl, mix Bisquick, oil, egg, milk and vanilla. Stir thoroughly to combine, and set aside. See? Told ya. Lot’s of setting aside.

    In a small saucepan or sautee pan, mix brown sugar, corn starch and salt to combine. Add butter, and melt to bubbling over a medium flame. Add rum flavoring and bring to a gentle boil, stirring frequently. Once the mixture bubbles and thickens, add reserved banana slices. Reduce heat and simmer for two minutes or until bananas are tender. Avoid stirring as much as possible so as not to fracture the bananas. They’re very fragile. They were just dumped and the guy who left them turned them to absolute mush. Don’t you help that state any.

    Grease the waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Fold the brown sugar/banana/oat mixture into the main batter, stirring just enough to combine (we want more of a ribbon of the banana mixture, versus mixing it into the waffle mixture). Spoon it in batches onto the waffle iron, leaving plenty of room for spread.

    Remove individual waffles or wedges to serving plates. Top with a scoop of ice cream (vanilla bean or dulce de leche being my favorites, though rum raisin here would not be ill advised); top each serving with a few of the sauteed bananas, and then spoon their syrup over the top.

    Oh. Em Gee.

    And no, I won’t be pat and say something about how your guests will go bananas for this. That would be so beneath me.

    And you know, in matters of scathing wit, that I don’t monkey around.

  4. 30/30 WTF! #18: EGG VonMUFFIN WAFFLE

    February 25, 2011 by Cas

    Do I really have to say anything about this?

    SpokesMime Russel Von Tussel says (or rather, motions) that it’s not so hard to make the actual knock off, but we’re talking waffles here. And this one’s rather groovy, because it mixes the relative wonder of both the waffle AND the English muffin, and you can make a batch ahead and freeze, to grab and heat when you’re on the go. Take it to work frozen, nuke it at the office, and you’re golden.

    Here, I use a yeast batter instead of waffle mix. But if you don’t want to go through all the effort (it’s really not that hard) then substitute 2 Cups Bisquick, 3/4 Cup of water, and 1/2 Tbsp. salt into a more biscuity batter. It will be quicker, and it will be different, but it will be no less satisfying.

    2 Cups yeast batter (recipe in prior blog post, below)
    or Bisquick substitute
    2 tsps. baking powder
    1/4 Cup Bisquick
    1/4 tsp. salt

    2 Hard boiled eggs, chopped
    1-1/2 Cups shredded cheddar cheese
    1 Cup diced ham or canadian bacon

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM HIGH

    Mix batter with baking powder, additional Bisquick, and salt. Combine thoroughly, then add remaining ingredients and stir to coat completely.

    Grease waffle iron, and spoon batter mix onto hot griddle, leaving a little room for spread. Close top, cook until golden brown, and remove to serving platter.

    If freezing for later convenient enjoyment, let cool thoroughly before storing and freezing.


    February 25, 2011 by Cas

    The use of rapid rise yeast cuts the rise time down substantially, but you’ll still have to let this batter sit for at least an hour before using it. Since salt kills yeast, don’t add any until you actually go to use this in a recipe.

    Any that you’re not using will keep nicely in the refrigerator, covered, until the next time you decide to get your waffle on. And if you like, you can take it out once a week, feed it a spoon of sugar or honey (make sure you also add equal parts of all-purpose flour and water to make a full quart, on the first “feeding”) and leave it out to breathe for a day. You’ll be making your own sourdough starter. And to use and share it… ask me. It’s a lovely thing.

    2 Cups all-purpose flour
    1 Packet Rapid Rise active dry yeast
    1 Tbsp. sugar

    2 Cups milk
    2 Tbsp. unsalted butter

    Mix flour, yeast and sugar in a mixing bowl. In a saucepan, heat milk and butter just until butter melts and it’s very warm, but not too hot to stick your finger into it. You’re shooting for about 120/130 degrees.
    Pour wet into dry, mix thoroughly with hand beaters, and set aside.

    Once the batter bubbles and looks like it’s trying to say something, stir it vigorously, transfer to a container big enough to contain it with space to grow, cover and stow it til needed.

  6. 30/30 WTF! #17: COFFEE ROLL WAFFLE

    February 24, 2011 by Cas

    These are a good, plain, delicious, dip-em-in-your-milk-or-coffee treat.

    The ingredients are few, and though the process has a few stages they’re quick and none too taxing. A few minutes from start to finish is all you’re in for, and if you waffle up a big batch of these, they freeze and warm up really nicely for anytime enjoyment. That alone justifies turning on the kitchen light.

    But truth be told, these are so simple and sweet and basic that they’ll do fine in a jar on the countertop for whenever you feel a proper cup of tea requires a biscuit or some bread and jam. Only you won’t need the jam, because the sweet’s in there already. And I won’t tell a soul if you decide to add a schmear of butter to make it that much more decadent. It’ll be our little secret.

    2 Cups Bisquick
    1/2 Cup sugar
    1/4 tsp. Salt
    1/2 Cup milk
    1 Tbsp. vegetable oil

    1 Stick butter

    1 Can sweetened condensed (NOT evaporated) milk

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM HIGH

    Mix the dry ingredients to combine, then add milk and vegetable oil to form a smooth dough. Let dough rest in refrigerator.

    Melt the butter and let cool in a larger mixing bowl. Break off pieces of chilled dough with a teaspoon, dropping them into the melted butter, and tossing occassionally to coat after ever few additions.

    Pour sweetened condensed milk over the dough and butter mixture, and toss to combine completely, or until liquid is almost all absorbed.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon the waffle mixture over the griddle leaving plenty (and dudes — I do mean PLENTY) of room for spread, and close the lid.

    Check for doneness when the waffle iron or instinct directs you to do so. The outside will have caramelized a bit and taken on a nice golden patina (I’m feeling foody AND poetic), and the waffles should hold together nicely, given a minute to rest in the iron before removing.

    Dunk away…


    February 23, 2011 by Cas

    That sort of sounds judgmental, calling them “pigs”, and rather banal, that whole “in blankets” thing.

    Better to go the French route, and call them “cochons en croute”, perhaps. Or gay it up and call them “Caftan Piggies”. Or let’s get PC about it and call them “Porcine Americans Just Trying to Stay Warm” (but we’ll leave off the part about how we help them in their quest by wrapping them in dough and then baking them to death).

    Whatever YOU choose to call them, I never found making PiBs a real chore, but someone suggested I try this as a waffle and it’s indeed quicker and weirder than the way you’re used to doing it.

    1-1/2 Cups Bisquick
    1/2 Cup Water
    2 Tbsp. yellow mustard
    2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
    2 Hot dogs

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: Medium

    Mix all ingredients but the hot dogs. I’m chuckling picturing the mess we’d make if the whole dogs went right into the batter.

    Slice each hot dog in half, then slice each half in half again, LENGTHWISE, and cut each of those halves again lengthwise, resulting in eight long slices of dog. Or pig. Jeeze, it’s like a fucking zoo in this kitchen. If you’re daring or love a proliferation of animals while you’re trying to cook, slice them in half lengthwise again producing 16 pigs. I wonder if cloning Dolly the sheep was this satisfying.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon batter onto griddle, leaving room for spread around edges. Press hot dog slices down into each waffle section or wedge, and close to cook.

    Remove to serving platter, and serve with a side of mustard for dipping (your preference; mine is dijon). Or mix equal parts creamy dijon and mayonnaise. Or do both. Anyone who asks for ketchup should immediately be shown the door. If you’re serving a crowd and there are other finger foods to be had, cut wedges in half if making Belgians, or cut square waffles in half. And if you want, in half again. Oh, fuck it with this “halve it again and again and again” torture I’m putting you through. You’ll know how big you want them when you see them.They’re just fine as is; but, like all the really good little piggies I know personally…

    They’re completely versatile.

  8. 30/30 WTF! #15: PEACHES ‘N CREAM WAFFLE

    February 22, 2011 by Cas

    Creamy and smooth.

    That’s not how you’d describe my complexion (“Snow tire with white stubble” comes close).


    Certainly not talking about my disposition.

    Fruity, with a hint of spice.

    OK. This could totally describe me.

    But what ALL of these describe is this waffle. It falls somewhere between a rich, custardy bread pudding, a country “pan betty” and a cobbler. However you slice it (or more accurately, however you shove it whole into your eager mouth) this is a delicious and satisfying dessert waffle all by itself or with any of the optional garnishes. Various textures play all at once, as do sweet versus a bit tart.

    This is just really, really nice.

    Again: so not describing me…

    2 Eggs
    1/2 Cup vanilla pudding
    1/2 Cup Bisquick
    1 Can (15.5 oz) Sliced Peaches in heavy syrup
    1/2 Cup sugar
    1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
    1/4 tsp. Salt
    2 Slices (8-10 oz. total) pound cake, broken into chunks

    Additional pudding, whipped topping, nutmeg and sliced peaches for garnish.

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: HIGH

    In a mixing bowl, beat together pudding and eggs until blended. Drain peaches, reserving liquid. Finely dice peaches, and set aside. Measure reserved peach liquid, and add water (if necessary) to make 1/2 Cup. Add to pudding mixture along with Bisquick, sugar, nutmeg and salt,  and mix thoroughly.

    Fold in peaches and pound cake until combined. Let sit 5 minutes.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick spray. Spoon on batter, leaving room for rising. Close griddle and cook until golden.

    Allow cooked waffles to sit and steam off on hot iron for at least a minute, until they can be easily removed without breaking. Move to serving dish, top with more pudding, whipped topping, and a peach slice, plus a sprinkle of nutmeg (flare!) if desired. But honestly, these are so moist and rich it’s like eating a cobbler right out of the oven, and they do just fine all by their lonesome. Though once again, nothing doesn’t benefit from a scoop of ice cream…

  9. 30/30 WTF! #14: THE VonGRIDDLE WAFFLE

    February 21, 2011 by Cas

    Let’s call this an exercise in avoiding copyright infringement.

    If a certain clown-helmed fast food chain didn’t boast a surname rooted in the foothills of Scotland, or some Old guy’s farm that had a pig, (e-i-e-i-ohhhhh….) then perhaps on some alternate plane of retail food oligopoly a restaurant could exist with a DIFFERENT on-the-tongues-of-the-masses name — like “Von Tussel’s”.

    And I’m not just using that as an example because I have “Hairspray” blasting in the background. I’m also trying to stay out of jail.

    So when I say something like “this is inspired by the maple-infused breakfast sandwiches of your favorite fast food chain,” feel free to TOTALLY misinterpret that as my son — eyes wide with expectation, his brows high and bright with hope, like two golden arches — having come to me with an idea like… oh, I dunno… “Hey, Pop, how about knocking off the VonGriddle?”

    “Knock off” is such an ugly term. It’s like saying “blackmail” when what you really mean is “firm persuasion.”

    I prefer to think of it is taking inspiration from — and maybe even enhancing — a tried-and-true American favorite.

    An American favorite that is unfortunately highly protected under a staggering number of equally American laws that keep hacks like me from getting too close to its favor for our own gain.

    So remember: when it comes to such recipes here in our 30/30 WTF! Experiment, they have NOTHING to do with whatever established chain food restaurant you may have planted inextricably in your subconscious. We’re talking my own Pretend Restaurant. VonTussel’s. And it would be the farthest of intentions for me to ever consider stepping on anyone’s toes in my simple attempts to bring you hot, satisfying, delicious waffle creations you can enjoy in leisure or on the go.  Like the VonGriddle.

    Or the Egg VonMuffin. Or the Big Von…

    “Hold the Gherkins, hold the Romaine, ‘cuz our food won’t give you Ptomaine…”

    (Yes. I know. That the OTHER guy’s jingle. Burger Prince.)

    1/4 lb. Loose sausage (breakfast or link)
    2 Tbsp. Maple syrup (real, fake, really doesn’t matter for this)
    1 Cup Bisquick
    1/2 Cup milk
    1 Large egg
    1/4 Cup maple syrup
    1 Tbsp. sugar

    Waffle Iron/Cook Time: MEDIUM HIGH

    Fry and crumble the raw sausage. When it’s browned, add the 2 Tbsp. of maple syrup, and continue cooking until the syrup caramelizes over the meat, about 2 minutes or until the only liquid in the pan is the fat from the sausage. Set aside to cool.

    Mix remaining ingredients, stirring by hand for one minute to blend thoroughly. Add crumbled sausage mixture and mix thoroughly.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick spray or butter. Divide batter into two batches, and cook waffles until golden brown. Remove to serving plate and serve warm with butter (and if desired, more maple).

    Or, like our restaurant chain’s spokesman — the beloved Mime, Russel VonTussel — would tell you to do (or indicate through highly skilled but silent gestures), let them cool, break into individual waffles or wedges, pop them in a ziplock and freeze. Take ‘em out and toast ‘em on hurried mornings when the cat’s coughing up a fur ball and you run out of mascara halfway through your second eye but still want something hot and tasty to eat on your way out the door. Which, over the course of a single day, was how the remainder of this batch disappeared…

  10. 30/30 WTF! #13: MONTE CRISTO WAFFLE

    February 20, 2011 by Cas

    This is the waffle that was Divinely inspired.

    If you follow me on Facebook you know that one night I breathlessly updated my status to reflect the burning bush nature of this waffle’s genesis: I had come home, taken a power nap, and awakened with two words on my parched lips (the heat is really powerful in my apartment, so I was inspired, but I was also really dry):

    “Monte Cristo”

    I hurriedly set about pulling the ingredients out of the refrigerator and the cupboard. Actually I hurriedly peed (and washed my hands, thankyouverymuch) because even though I was inspired and parched I had downed a quart of water before laying down so I was also really bursting at the seams, but on the way to the bathroom I turned on the waffle iron.

    I can’t tell you how everything just sort of fell into place with this creation: the ingredients and the amounts to use,  the preparation method — even how to achieve just the right note of sweetness that a traditional Monte Cristo gets from its dusting of powdered sugar.

    I’d say that the Lord wanted me to have this sandwich, but having tasted it I now know I misinterpreted the signs: the Lord wanted me to make HIM this sandwich, and I foolishly coveted it as my own. At least I stayed away from His apple tree. And given how damned simple this savory waffle is to make, I can whip Him up a fresh batch any time he chooses to Grace me with His presence.

    I want a holiday to honor this waffle. In my book this is even bigger than lamp oil burning for eight nights.

    I hope your soul and stomach are moved by this, hot off the griddle, just as mine were that very first miraculous night of culinary nights.

    2 Slices deli turkey, coarsely chopped
    2 Slices boiled ham, coarsely chopped
    4 Slices white bread, ripped into chunks
    1/4 Cup shredded cheddar
    1/4 Cup shredded swiss or mozzarella

    2 Eggs
    2 Tbsp. Milk
    1 Tbsp. Honey
    1/4 tsp. Salt

    Powdered sugar for garnish (optional)

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time:  MEDIUM HIGH

    Toss the bread, meats and cheeses in a mixing bowl.

    In a separate bowl, lightly beat the egg, milk, honey and salt. Add to other ingredients and mix to coat thoroughly.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon waffle mixture onto iron, leaving a bit of room at edges for waffle to expand. Close top and cook until golden brown. Cut into individual waffles or wedges and remove to serving plate.

    Serve warm, and eat by hand, or be all dainty and dust it with a bit of powdered sugar and eat it with a fork.