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‘Finger Foods’ Category

  1. Bi-Partisan BBQ Chicken Sliders

    May 20, 2011 by Cas

    When developing this recipe for “Meet the Lady: First Ladies”, this creation was code-named the “LBJBBBBQBBB”. If you try to pronounce that you’ll sound like you’re having a grande malle seizure; it’s an amalgam and not an acronym, standing for:

    The “Lady Bird Johnson Barbara Bush Barbecue Baby Burger Biscuit”.

    In a nutshell, the reason — not for the name, necessarily, but for this particular recipe –  is this: Both First Ladies were “Texas Homemakers”  in their private lives — before and, more arguably, after their husbands’ terms in office. And each was known for her barbecue contributions (Barbara for her chicken, Lady Bird for her down-home sauce). So a barbecue chicken burger seemed a natural finger-food extension of this theme, and to cross party lines in this hand-held homage, I used my own version of the simple, though famed, marinade from Mrs. Bush’s chicken recipe, and I modified Mrs. Johnson’s sauce to give our finished product its classic Texas barbecue appeal.

    The biscuit — a staple in southern cuisine — was also a staple in the White House of the 60s, as Lyndon Johnson was such a biscuit addict that Lady Bird made damned sure they were served at absolutely every meal — private or otherwise — to satisfy her husband’s cravings. But giving due respect, it wasn’t just like baked, buttermilk crack to LBJ: he was known to work until he dropped and often took meals while working and even while standing. He would have salads served to him while toiling in the Oval Office, chopped finely enough that he could eat them mindlessly with a spoon so as to not even divert his stare from whatever state work was at hand. Biscuits, likewise, were found to be an easy way to transport anything liquidy from plate to mouth without becoming a diversion.

    I have to admit, Johnson being the sitting President during my birth, and stories such as these, coupled with my research on Lady Bird as the supportive, and herself substantial, woman behind the man… I’m sort of sporting a crush on the pair. Not in a dirty way, mind you; Eew.

    But in that lovely, innocent, “fading-of-Camelot, boy from Brooklyn, loving barbecue and loving the fact that despite her public stance which was kept as quiet as possible, Barbara Bush was pro-choice and ballsy, and Lady Bird had the highest hair and sweetest smile” kind of way.

    Love them, love their cooking. And I love to think that if they tasted these, they’d taste the tribute and the admiration that I’ve baked — or rather,  fried — into each bite.

    1-1/2 lbs. Boneless, skinless chicken thighs
    1 Sleeve (approximately 3 dozen) saltine crackers
    1 Batch of Bar’s Lemon Garlic Marinade

    Oil for frying

    1 Batch (approximately 2 Cups) Lady Bird’s Bird Sauce

    24* Buttermilk Biscuits, either store-bought in the scary exploding tube, or Homemade

    *(This recipe will stretch VERY easily to 36 sliders for cocktail party catering, and if the chicken weighs in at even closer to 2 lbs., don’t be surprised to find a yield of 40).

    Place chicken thigh meat in the bowl of a food processor, and pulse to coarsely chop. Roughly crush saltines into a separate bowl, and soften with the marinade, tossing to mix (for the frou-frou among us, the resulting softened-starchy component to be added to the dish is known as a panade).

    Add the panade (see? Now we’re ALL frou-frou!) to the chopped chicken in the processor, and pulse to combine well. Then, taking care to stop and scrape down the sides and make sure the mix is being evenly tossed about, pulse the mixture to blend completely, then process until a smooth, soft, dough-like paste forms. Transfer to a bowl.

    Spoon out balls of dough about the size of a walnut if stretching the mix, or golf ball-size for larger patties, laying them out on sheets of wax paper until you have (depending on your serving needs), between 24 and 36 portions. Wetting fingers frequently to prevent sticking, flatten the mounds out by pressing them down onto the wax paper. Space providing, you can do the entire batch at once, or work in shifts — forming the next batch while the batch before is frying.

    Heat oil in skillet to medium-high (about 1/2 inch deep, so patties will be just about submerged), or set deep fryer to 375°.

    Cooking sliders in batches of 6 or 8 (keeping care not to let the oil become too cool with each addition), fry about 3 minutes, turning once halfway through, until patties are a dark, golden brown. Remove from fryer and set on paper toweling to drain.

    Once all the sliders are fried, transfer to a mixing bowl, cover with Bird Sauce, and gently toss to coat. Set aside.

    Cut or split buttermilk biscuits, and place a patty on each biscuit bottom. Spread inside of biscuit tops with remaining sauce to complete each “sandwich”, and place sliders on serving platter (or oven-safe tray to keep warm until serving).

    Serve with remaining or additional Bird Sauce for dipping; you may also want to serve them, given the fact that this sauce is so close to what originally inspired (and is thus very reminiscent of) what we think of now as “Buffalo” style Hot Wings, with bleu cheese dressing and celery sticks as garnish.


  2. Tofu BBQ Sliders

    May 20, 2011 by Cas

    Back in the day when I was a vegan (“Shiite Vegetarian”, I used to call myself) it dismayed me greatly that attending parties I’d have to make myself happy with cruditee platters (and usually not the dip) and the potato chip bowl because nobody ever thinks of the vegetarian. And I was a FAT vegan, so I wasn’t afraid of calories back then, but the cholesterol my doctor threatened to treat with massive doses of pharmaceuticals if I didn’t find a way to clean up my act on my own.

    So now, eating animal products as I do (though most of the time avoiding red meat and dairy more for middle-aged digestive reasons than moral or medical ones) I feel beyond compelled to make sure that I offer vegetarian fare whenever I cook or cater, because first and foremost I want my Veg-Heads to be Well-Fed-Heads, and second, I love when a meat-eater tastes something totally off his perceptual map in terms of vegetarian food and just has his mind blown.

    “I never knew I liked tofu!”

    That’s because you’ve only seen it all bloated and flavorless — a necessary last resort to fill the protein needs of gaunt, transparent-skinned PETA activists, and not a versatile and delicious component of a well-crafted dish.

    Trust me: I know how to fake people out. I also know how to illuminate them. And while the initial fun is in the wool that’s pulled over their eyes when they THINK they’re eating something that formerly walked on four legs, I get the most enjoyment out of seeing the “aha!” happen when I clue them in. I have, at various dinner parties, heard the following raves about my blind tofu swaps:

    “FINALLY you used whole-milk ricotta in your lasagna!” (No, I pureed extra firm tofu).

    “Oh yum! I love paneer!” (Actually, instead of the firm, white, Indian cheese cubes you USUALLY love in this vegetable dish, you’re currently loving cubed, drained tofu).

    “This chicken is so tender for something potted in a casserole.” (Actually, it’s strips of marinated, baked tofu, but I’ll pretend it’s FREE-RANGE tofu if that makes you feel better).

    I also love using grains and vegetable to make burgers and loaves you’d usually associate with meat. One time my black bean and brown rice meatloaf disappeared at a birthday party while its beef-based cousin sat and watched jealously from across the table. Go figure.

    And go try these.

    Since the tofu is pureed I didn’t craft this to be marinated in the marinade, but to incorporate a small amount of the marinade in the actual mix to impart the same flavor. And the bacon flavor in there is just to remind your palate that this is a barbecue-inspired creation. When I whipped up a batch of these at first, I just kept noshing on the patties as they were, because they’re flavorful and satisfying all on their own. So feel free some time to just serve up a plate of these with a dip of your choice.

    You can also skip the marinade and smokey bacon bits and just puree the tofu with the crackers and, making larger chunks versus flatter patties, fry them up and serve them with ramekins of various dippers like honey, BBQ sauce, ranch or bleu cheese dressing, and ketchup, and you’ve got a veggie version of McNuggets that’s sure to please.

    But try it this way first…

    1/4 Cup Bacos (or similar) bacon flavor bits
    1/2 Sleeve (approximately 18) saltine crackers
    1 (14 0z.) Block extra firm tofu, drained
    1/4 Cup Bar’s Lemon Garlic Marinade

    Oil for frying

    1 Batch (approximately 2 Cups) Lady Bird’s Bird Sauce

    24 Buttermilk Biscuits, either store-bought in the scary exploding tube, or Homemade

    Grind the bacon bits and the crackers in a food processor (or blender) until fine. Break up tofu and add to dry mix along with marinade.  Pulse mixture to blend completely, then process until a smooth, soft, dough-like paste forms. Transfer to a bowl.

    Wetting hands frequently to prevent sticking, spoon out balls of dough about the size of a walnut, and pat flat to form a mini-burger or “slider”. Lay sliders out on sheets of wax paper until all patties are formed.

    Heat oil in skillet to medium-high (about 1/2 inch deep, so patties will be just about submerged), or set deep fryer to 375°.

    Cooking sliders in batches of 6, fry about 3 minutes, turning once halfway through, until patties are a dark, golden brown. Remove from fryer and set on paper toweling to drain.

    Once all the sliders are fried, transfer to a mixing bowl, cover with Bird Sauce, and gently toss to coat. Set aside.

    Cut or split buttermilk biscuits, and place a patty on each biscuit bottom. Spread inside of biscuit tops with remaining sauce to complete each “sandwich”, and place sliders on serving platter (or oven-safe tray to keep warm until serving).

    Serve with remaining or additional Bird Sauce for dipping.


  3. Savory Rosemary Parmesan Oatmeal Cookies

    March 10, 2011 by Cas

    Waffle? What the hell is a waffle?

    We’re on to other things. I can’t say “bigger and better” things because the 30-day Waffle marathon was such a successful leap out of the starting gate for Food Daddy.

    But we’re on to other things.

    When I asked my wonderful, faithful Foodies for input on future Food Daddy endeavors, so many great ideas came bursting forth. And other friends, off the blog, have said repeatedly in response “whatever the hell you do with the food writing, just make sure we get to eat the results.”

    Read: throw a party.

    I get hinted at often to host cocktail gatherings. If I have to be known for SOMETHING in this life, I certainly don’t balk at the fact that folks are both comfortable in my home and delighted by my cooking. And I have found that I’ve relieved a major amount of stress in the planning process by eliminating one huge roadblock I never realized could be bypassed:

    Not knowing what to serve.

    Now, I’m not saying that you say “cocktail party” and I have a knee-jerk reaction whereby, tourettes-like, I suddenly spew a menu and case closed, the party plan is done.

    What I AM saying is that, if for any given cocktail or dinner party I know I need six, twelve, or twenty things to offer my guests, I have my go-to collection of tried and true recipes to dive into to provide the basis for my menu.

    Cooking as much as I do as often as I do — and constantly expanding my repertoire with new recipes and new ideas — I now have a cornucopia of possibilities every time I set a table, from grand buffet for a birthday celebration to bowls of snacks and (as I like to call them) fabulous nibbly bits to accompany a cocktail or two before going out for dinner or a movie with just a handful of friends.

    I also learned that it is much easier to plan a VARIED menu with a big ol’ bag of tricks at my disposal because once (and this led to more planning stress for every future party until I got my shit to its present state of togetherness) I served a lovely variety of hot and cold hors d’oeuvres that turned out to contain, each and every single one, either meat, cheddar cheese, or both.

    Now, I can plan a menu that will cover breads and nuts and sweets and meats and veggies and cheeses and spreads and dips and finger and fork foods, and know not only — because there are so many wonderful concoctions from which to choose — that I won’t be duplicating tastes with way-too-similar food creations, but complementing each dish by pairing the components with tasty counterparts.

    For instance, if I’m serving something very fragrant in the way of cheese, like a bleu cheese spread, or a whole sliceable chunk of gornonzola, I will readily pair it with closely placed bowls of sliced pears sprinkled with a bit of taragon, lemon zest and black pepper, as well as pitted dates stuffed with whole almonds, and “married figs” sliced and stuffed with a walnut half, and a flower pot filled with endive leaves accompanied by a simple garlic aioli dip. A guest can enjoy any single one of these complimentary foods — all part of one presentation, because Lord knows this is treated as one dish on my table, and gets lost among the ten others anyway — or he can stuff any or all of the components in his mouth at once and find the combination heavenly.

    Whereas once upon a time I might inadvertently wind up offering up blue cheese dip with my cruditee, situated right next to bleu cheese and asparagus rolls, bleu stuffed olives and a salad with fruit and crumbled bleu, and stand there wondering why people kept disappearing and coming back with sacks of White Castle burgers.

    Herewith, to help you build or expand your own cocktail party recipe box — as I expand my own — is our first newfangled finger food, the Savory Rosemary Parmesan Oatmeal Cookie.

    Part cookie, part cracker, part shortbread, this is so delicious I defy you not to dip into the dough as you’re making them. Try not to do too much of that; depending on how thick you roll them and how thin you slice, the recipe can yield 4 dozen. But if you eat your way through the mixing bowl as I tend to do, you’ll wind up with a dozen finished cookies you won’t want to eat because you’ll already have three batches baking in your belly.

    These are great to eat by themselves, or will go nicely with a small slice or cube of a mild cheese or cream cheese-based spread. We’ll get to a ton of ideas for those as time goes on, but my hopes are simply that within a few months, you’ll be planning a party and you’ll be able to turn to our Cocktail Party category and have a host of appy possibilities and small plates to serve to your lucky guests. I’ll even plan some theme menus, Kitschy to Klassy, to jump start your own creativity.

    I love only one thing more than having you turn to me for cooking and entertaining ideas: that’s finding inspiration in what I bring to this little party, to tap into your own inner chef. If you can emerge from your kitchen serving up something you find satisfying and delicious and which you had fun making…

    Then Food Daddy has done his job. And you’ve done yours. And the world has been made richer for both our efforts, one pleased belly at a time.

    1-1/2 Sticks butter, softened
    1/4  Cup olive oil
    2 Eggs
    2 Tbsp. Milk
    1 Cup grated parmesan
    1-1/2  Cups all-purpose flour
    1  tsp. Baking soda
    2 tsps. Dried rosemary, crumbled
    1 Tbsp. Dried parsley
    1/2  tsp. Salt
    1/2  tsp. Ground black pepper
    3  cups Oatmeal (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)

    With hand mixer or in a stand mixer, blend softened butter and olive oil. Beat in egg and water until smooth. Blend in grated cheese, and beat thoroughly.

    In a separate bowl, combine all dry ingredients except for oats, and hand “sift” with dry whisk or fork. When combined, add oats.

    Add wet ingredients to dry oat mixture, and stir to mix thoroughly.

    Divide dough into two halves. Form each half into a log about 2″ thick. Wrap in plastic wrap and roll and pat slightly to make each log smooth and uniform. Refrigerate for two hours or overnight, until ready to bake.

    Preheat oven to 425.

    Remove chilled dough from plastic wrap, and using a very sharp knife cut logs into thin slices, about 1/4″. Place on ungreased cookie sheets (these will not spread) and bake 8-10 minutes, or until golden brown and crisp around edges. Remove with a spatula to a cooling rack and cool thoroughly.

    Store leftovers (ha!) in an air-tight container or bag.


  4. 30/30 WTF! #24: REUBEN SANDWICH WAFFLE

    March 3, 2011 by Cas

    Reuben, Reuben, I’ve been thinking…

    About how to turn your namesake sandwich into a delightful waffle. This is UBER delightful, and worthy of any delicatessen menu. Well, any delicatessen that features a long list of savory waffle creations on its menu.

    The final step can be a little tricky, melting cheese directly to the iron’s top. But I learned that if it sticks, it sticks, and it pulls off in a snap, and creates a lacy little garnish for the top of the waffle that tastes the same as the times it comes completely loose, but looks even cooler than normal.

    The batter is jazzed up a bit. You’d encounter this in the wild on rye bread, but I didn’t want to get everyone started on that whole task (I’ve got other things to bust your chops over) so I just made a really interesting bread base I think you’ll enjoy as a substitute.

    1-1/2 Cups Bisquick
    1/2 Cup instant mashed potato flakes (such as Hungry Jack)
    1/4 Cup whole wheat flour (or all purpose flour)
    1/4 tsp. salt
    1-1/2 Cups water
    1/4 Cup vegetable oil
    2 Tbsp. brown deli mustard

    1 Cup Sauerkraut, drained well
    8 oz. Cooked corned beef (or pastrami), shredded
    1 Cup shredded Swiss cheese

    Additional brown mustard OR
    prepared thousand island dressing

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM HIGH

    Mix Bisquick, potato flakes, flour and salt to combine. Add water, oil and mustard and mix thoroughly. Add kraut and shredded meat and stir to combine.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray, and spoon waffle mixture onto iron, leaving room at edges for spreading.

    When the waffle is golden brown, spread each section with a dab of additional mustard (if mustard is the preferred serving condiment).

    Top waffle sections with a portion of the shredded cheese, grease the top iron again, and close to melt cheese and brown it slightly.

    Open iron, and if cheese needs a bit of coaxing, do so carefully with a fork or some other pointy utensil, being very careful not to scratch the cooking surface.

    Transfer to serving platter, and serve with additional brown mustard, thousand island dressing, and of course… pickles.

    Half sour.


  5. 30/30 WTF! #22: STUFFED PIZZA WAFFLE

    March 1, 2011 by Cas

    These work best using the yeast batter, but again, you can use a substitute of 2 Cups Bisquick, 3/4 Cups water, and 1/2 tsp. salt.

    I find these best when cut into triangles and served warm, but not hot, giving the ingredients a chance to set in the center. And so you don’t scald your mouth when diving into them.

    I’m also giving you a variety of options here, to adress the fact that if we went out for actual pizza, none of us would order the same slice given a variety of choices. Get imaginative, but don’t overstuff.

    2 Cups Batter
    1/4 Cup Bisquick
    1/2 tsp. Salt

    1 Cup prepared pizza sauce (or, if you’re like me, your own homemade)
    1 Cup shredded mozzarella (or sliced fresh, or sliced mild provolone or fontina)

    OPTIONS:
    Sliced Pepperoni
    Sliced Ham
    Thinly sliced Tomato
    Whole fresh Basil leaves
    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM (and, admittedly, to be largely ignored)

    Mix Yeast Batter or Bisquick Batter with additional Bisquick and salt.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray.

    Spoon just enough batter onto waffle iron so you can spread it evenly with the back of a spoon or with a silicon spatula to fill the recesses but just barely the tops of the dimples. Close iron and let this bottom layer go through one medium cook cycle. Open to check for doneness; batter should just be set, with no more wet spots.

    Spoon sauce over waffles, leaving about a 1/2 to 3/4″ border from the edges of the individual waffles or wedges. Add cheese and optional fillings, then top with another spoon of batter, smoothing it to the edges and sealing in the filling. Spray top iron again, and close to finish cooking.

    Check for doneness. When waffles are golden brown, leave the iron open for a minute to let them steam off, then carefully remove to a plate to cool.

    Cut into wedges if desired, and serve with additional sauce, shredded or grated parmesan, and if you’re from Brooklyn, it’s customary to have shakers of dried oregano, red pepper flakes and garlic powder on hand.

    Ayyyy, ohhhhhh… dat’s what ah’m tawkin’ ’bout, yo.


  6. 30/30 WTF! #16: PIGS IN BLANKET WAFFLES

    February 23, 2011 by Cas

    That sort of sounds judgmental, calling them “pigs”, and rather banal, that whole “in blankets” thing.

    Better to go the French route, and call them “cochons en croute”, perhaps. Or gay it up and call them “Caftan Piggies”. Or let’s get PC about it and call them “Porcine Americans Just Trying to Stay Warm” (but we’ll leave off the part about how we help them in their quest by wrapping them in dough and then baking them to death).

    Whatever YOU choose to call them, I never found making PiBs a real chore, but someone suggested I try this as a waffle and it’s indeed quicker and weirder than the way you’re used to doing it.

    1-1/2 Cups Bisquick
    1/2 Cup Water
    2 Tbsp. yellow mustard
    2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
    2 Hot dogs

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: Medium

    Mix all ingredients but the hot dogs. I’m chuckling picturing the mess we’d make if the whole dogs went right into the batter.

    Slice each hot dog in half, then slice each half in half again, LENGTHWISE, and cut each of those halves again lengthwise, resulting in eight long slices of dog. Or pig. Jeeze, it’s like a fucking zoo in this kitchen. If you’re daring or love a proliferation of animals while you’re trying to cook, slice them in half lengthwise again producing 16 pigs. I wonder if cloning Dolly the sheep was this satisfying.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon batter onto griddle, leaving room for spread around edges. Press hot dog slices down into each waffle section or wedge, and close to cook.

    Remove to serving platter, and serve with a side of mustard for dipping (your preference; mine is dijon). Or mix equal parts creamy dijon and mayonnaise. Or do both. Anyone who asks for ketchup should immediately be shown the door. If you’re serving a crowd and there are other finger foods to be had, cut wedges in half if making Belgians, or cut square waffles in half. And if you want, in half again. Oh, fuck it with this “halve it again and again and again” torture I’m putting you through. You’ll know how big you want them when you see them.They’re just fine as is; but, like all the really good little piggies I know personally…

    They’re completely versatile.


  7. 30/30 WTF! #13: MONTE CRISTO WAFFLE

    February 20, 2011 by Cas

    This is the waffle that was Divinely inspired.

    If you follow me on Facebook you know that one night I breathlessly updated my status to reflect the burning bush nature of this waffle’s genesis: I had come home, taken a power nap, and awakened with two words on my parched lips (the heat is really powerful in my apartment, so I was inspired, but I was also really dry):

    “Monte Cristo”

    I hurriedly set about pulling the ingredients out of the refrigerator and the cupboard. Actually I hurriedly peed (and washed my hands, thankyouverymuch) because even though I was inspired and parched I had downed a quart of water before laying down so I was also really bursting at the seams, but on the way to the bathroom I turned on the waffle iron.

    I can’t tell you how everything just sort of fell into place with this creation: the ingredients and the amounts to use,  the preparation method — even how to achieve just the right note of sweetness that a traditional Monte Cristo gets from its dusting of powdered sugar.

    I’d say that the Lord wanted me to have this sandwich, but having tasted it I now know I misinterpreted the signs: the Lord wanted me to make HIM this sandwich, and I foolishly coveted it as my own. At least I stayed away from His apple tree. And given how damned simple this savory waffle is to make, I can whip Him up a fresh batch any time he chooses to Grace me with His presence.

    I want a holiday to honor this waffle. In my book this is even bigger than lamp oil burning for eight nights.

    I hope your soul and stomach are moved by this, hot off the griddle, just as mine were that very first miraculous night of culinary nights.

    2 Slices deli turkey, coarsely chopped
    2 Slices boiled ham, coarsely chopped
    4 Slices white bread, ripped into chunks
    1/4 Cup shredded cheddar
    1/4 Cup shredded swiss or mozzarella

    2 Eggs
    2 Tbsp. Milk
    1 Tbsp. Honey
    1/4 tsp. Salt

    Powdered sugar for garnish (optional)

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time:  MEDIUM HIGH

    Toss the bread, meats and cheeses in a mixing bowl.

    In a separate bowl, lightly beat the egg, milk, honey and salt. Add to other ingredients and mix to coat thoroughly.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon waffle mixture onto iron, leaving a bit of room at edges for waffle to expand. Close top and cook until golden brown. Cut into individual waffles or wedges and remove to serving plate.

    Serve warm, and eat by hand, or be all dainty and dust it with a bit of powdered sugar and eat it with a fork.


  8. 30/30 WTF! #12: MAC-N-CHEESE WAFFLE

    February 19, 2011 by Cas

    Mmmmmm… Macaroni & Cheese. An American staple.

    Kids and adults alike have  a soft spot in our hearts for this classic comfort food. Here I’ve kept it very simple with just the addition of some egg for firmness and ease of removing and serving within the whole waffle iron mindset. This gives it a texture more akin to the traditional baked-in-casserole variety of mac-n-cheese than a straight-from-the-saucepan creaminess; but if it was saucy like the latter it would be a runny mess. Heck, if that wasn’t a concern I could write recipes for pudding and lattes and I could just let you pour them straight from the iron into your mouths.

    That wouldn’t be very nice of me, would it?

    You can also add chopped cooked chicken or ham, crumbled bacon, or diced tomato to this — some of the things I most frequently add to homemade macaroni and cheese. But I’ve left it here for the purists and invite the more adventurous spirits to branch out as they see fit.

    A note about the boxed mac and cheese: pick your favorite. There are so many on the shelf these days its mind-numbing. But use one that has small macaroni so that it will fill the cavities of the waffle iron nicely. I used Kraft mini shells with three cheeses. Basically, from a box, they all TASTE the same; you just want them to work in your favor so (and I don’t believe I’m saying this) you really want to opt for a small noodle.

    1 Box Macaroni & Cheese, prepared
    1/2 Cup shredded cheddar cheese
    1 Egg
    1/2 Tbsp. Flour
    1 Tbsp. Water
    Salt & Pepper to taste

    2 Tbsp. corn flake crumbs OR crushed potato chips

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: MEDIUM HIGH

    Let prepared macaroni and cheese cool a bit so that additional ingredients won’t be cooked on contact.

    Add shredded cheese and egg. Mix flour and water and add to macaroni mix, along with salt and pepper to taste. Mix until thoroughly combined.

    Grease waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray or melted butter. Spoon mac and cheese mixture over griddle, leaving a bit of room at edges for it to spread. Sprinkle crumbs or chips over top. Cover and cook until golden brown. Allow waffles to sit for a minute until firm enough to handle. Loosen edges and transfer to serving plate.

    These are great hot off the griddle or cooled to room temperature and eaten by hand.


  9. 30/30 WTF! #7: EAT-YOUR-FEELINGS GRILLED CHEESE

    February 14, 2011 by Cas

    Happy Valentine’s Day.

    Now go screw yourself.

    While the rest of you happily coupled crap-weasels are off eating chocolate and toasting with champagne, my soul mates — my single brethren and sisteren  and fuck you I know that’s not really a word — will be home, watching “Sleepless in Seattle” and wondering why Rosie O’Donnell was never taken seriously as an actress, or reliving the series finale of “FRIENDS” on DVD, shouting along with Ross at his answering machine, “Get off the PLANE, Rachel!”

    And eating comfort food.

    Me, I’m stuck with waffles, because I promised you 30 frigging days of waffles. And unlike every man who’s ever told me he loved me, I keep my word.

    So I figured I’d make it a good, comfort food waffle so we could stay on-topic with this Experiment, but still hit all those places in our souls and hearts that we think should be filled with a doting partner but are, in reality, better served by a glop of melted cheese.

    And so many people have told me about growing up with this as a common method of sandwich making that I decided to stop judging and feeling sorry that they only had one appliance in the kitchen, which they forced into a servitude for which it was never designed (I also had a college roommate who made soup in the coffee pot and ate it with a butter knife) and to give the process a whirl.

    I’m giving you options in this one because honestly, I don’t know if I care to leave the house today to hit the grocery, so whatever the hell is in the refrigerator will have to do. Then again, other single, lonely men who at least have their shit a little more together (enough to be seen at the Food Emporium, or to stop crying long enough to go out and fetch a new box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and half gallon of chocolate milk at the Duane Reade) will sort of be milling about… vulnerable prey… ripe for the pickin’…

    Enjoy this. I’m now contemplating putting on a pair of skinny jeans and heading out for… supplies…

    “To market, to market, to buy a fat pig”

    Aww, who the hell am I fooling. A few more of these and I’ll be my own fat pig.

    2 Slices unhealthy, white bread
    (if you dare use whole wheat, I’ll beat the shit out of you. White. Processed.
    I want to hear my coffin lid creaking as I chew this sandwich)
    1/2 to 1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
    (I have nothing funny to say here. Dijon is a very serious condiment)
    1/2 Cup shredded cheddar
    (or any other cheese you have or want. See if I give a fuck. It’s not always
    about you. Just make sure it is FULL FAT. None of that nonfat plastic shit
    I usually pretend is just as good. It’s not. The only thing it’s ”just as” is orange)
    2 Slices boiled, Virginia, or black forest ham. Or turkey. Or whatever cold cut
    meat selection you buy by the 1/4 lb. from the ever-cheerful deli man who
    silently feels bad that you’re still shopping for one. Or use 3 or 4 strips of
    cooked bacon. Knock yourself out. Who have we got to stay thin for?
    Butter (however much you want to use to –get this — butter the bread)

    Waffle Iron Setting/Cook Time: HONESTLY, DOES IT REALLY MATTER?
    NOBODY IS HERE TO SEE HOW THIS TURNS OUT AND YOU’RE JUST
    GOING TO STAND THERE EATING OVER THE SINK IN YOUR BATHROBE
    AND WASHING IT DOWN WITH DIET COKE OR SKIM MILK STRAIGHT
    FROM THE CARTON ANYWAY

    Spray the waffle iron. Because that’s what this recipe calls for: non-fat cooking spray, to keep the calories to a minimum.

    Butter one slice of bread and place it butter-side down on the griddle. Spread on  the mustard, and top with half the shredded cheese. Lay the meat over that, and then top with the remaining cheese. If your sandwich is being, like the last guy you dated, belligerent and uncooperative, press it gently with your fingers. This will keep the fillings in place, but it won’t convince it to get a job or to stop leaving its fucking underwear in the middle of the floor. Finally, butter the second slice of bread and place it on top.

    Close the lid. Push with all your might. Force it if you have to. Screaming “why can’t you just fucking love me for who I am and stop waiting for me to hurt you like your father,” I find, does nothing to enhance the cooking results, but it feels God-damned great.

    When it’s done, act like you always do: keep waiting for it to get better instead of taking it off the heat when you first sense you should. Let it start getting over done so that both you AND the sandwich start feeling resentful. And then when you finally DO decide to get off your ass and do something about it, screw the God-damned forks and spatulas — just use your fucking fingers, so you REALLY get burned. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ALL your friends warned you. But would listen? Fuck no, you moron.

    Cut it into wedges so you look dainty eating it in front of the bathroom vanity mirror. Finger foods are never as fattening. Enjoy it however you like, but really — at this stage in life can you enjoy ANYTHING anymore?

    And a note to all those lovebirds with your chocolates and your champagne: they say chocolate stimulates the same neurological reactions as being in love. So if your relationship was really that good, you wouldn’t NEED the chocolate to feel loved. And face it, friends: expensive as hell and frou-frou out the hoo-hoo as it may be, champagne is just bubbly liquor and you’re obviously both drinking to make it easier to spend yet another god-damned night together.

    I’ve got my grilled cheese sandwich.

    And look… Oh my God you guys, she did it! Rachel…

    You got off the plane….